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������������ I feel as if I say another word I will screw up again. Everything I said was a mistake at some point. If I was strong I would keep my mouth shut.

������������ I am not even sure that I feel worse or better after scotch. I am just numb. I ask myself, what would I be doing if I wasn’t drinking. Perhaps asleep by now. But I know I could not sleep. The best sleep I got was after hurling in the bathroom.

������������ There is something missing. I did something wrong. I messed up. I am a mess. I may not see it in myself, but I am a fucking mess. It makes want to cry that things never work out. I see people happy and I am not. They ask me how I am doing and I say I am great. But the balance in that is that I only do good when they ask. Few minutes later I am in my car with running tears.

������������ As if there is not much left to do in my life. I am going to wake up tomorrow and feel different. I still can’t let go. I rather die. And that is where I am heading. Closer to the end.

������������ I am just not noticed, they would not know it. If ignore they can’t see the truth about me.